Just because someone doesn't react the same way as you want them to does not mean it is wrong.
And just because someone doesn't fit into your ideal world of perfection does not mean that they have to change to do so.
Fights at home are due to the lack of rationality of the situation and all you ever do is throw a fit of a mood that affects everyone. Then it all goes to the point where you say:
"If other daughters..."
"If only you were someone else.."
But I'm not someone else and maybe the fact that I have a dead pan face to everything makes it my fault. But emotions are not something just completely show people because it leaves you bare and vulnerable.
Maybe thats why they all say you must have at least one problem. If it wasn't for family issues everything would be settled and none of us would have to feel so suffocated just staying at home.
Skyler always said I had a cycle, between 6-8 months of a journey. For 6-8 months it would be total silence and keeping things in then when I would reach the breaking point of 6-8 months that would be the season of starvation and blood spill. I never really cared much about his words but it is starting to dawn to me that maybe he was right.
So that would be the preparation every 6-8 months. Hiding razors, stocking up food, and going out with friends. But now that I'm stuck between the four walls, I find myself suffocated and trapped because my family does not know about this. There are people suffering more than I am, yes. But that is exactly the point why my family always saw me as the older responsible daughter who had to carry their burden in times of emotional trauma.
I don't want to go through anymore wet pillows and scratches on my wrists. And these days it's getting worse with the amount of tension with the household.
I know I'll be fine though, for the sake of my sister. I just must keep reminding myself that there are more people suffering than I am and being emotionally troubled won't help.
Goodnight. x
